Sunday, December 30, 2012

New Year's Day Despair 2012

January 1, 2012, was one of the most emotional days of my life. I cried and cried and wondered if I would actually survive the despair. My oldest son didn’t make it to 2012. For some reason, realizing that this was a year that Dustin would never write a date in, would not take a breath in, hit me really, really hard. And it was unexpected - so many of the emotional times are not anticipated. Thanksgiving 2011 was horrible, worse than I even thought it might be. Christmas 2011 was not too bad, a relief. But New Year’s Day 2012… A new year without my child. His years stopped dead in 2011- there would be nothing in 2012 for him - and it was an excruciating realization. Who would have thought the simple change of year would lead to such mental turmoil? I had no idea... 

I don’t THINK New Year’s Day 2013 will be so bad as last year… 

But just the thought of another Mother’s Day has me feeling tearful already.

1 comment:

  1. ...I am hoping , and maybe it is just my fantasy, that your pain and grief will start to subside as time moves on... I know that your worst fear now, seems to be centered on Dustin being forgotten...Trust me,it won't happen, ever!...I am looking to this New Year bringing you some needed peace and much more happiness... By allowing just fond memories of Dustin , his accomplishments, what he stood for and the many friends and family that he influenced and lives he touched to console you. Time and these happier reflections, hopefully, will dull the painful reality of his absence from your life...I am sure he would want this especially for you, and all of us as well!