When your child
dies, you are forced to make decisions that you never wanted to make, never
expected to make, couldn’t/wouldn’t/refused to ever imagine. Despite the
disbelief, the despair, the confusion, you have to decide – and quickly – what to
do with the lifeless body of your once breathing, loving, laughing,
making-a-difference-in-the-world child.
With Dustin, that
entailed considering costs, what he would want himself, and his physical
condition: was he viewable? (“was he viewable?” Even today, remembering
that question in my mind brings on agonizing tears).
Thankfully, though it was an emotional process,
everything just kind of worked out: Dustin’s appearance was nearly perfect; my
cousin, president of Wilhelm’s Portland Memorial - probably the most beautiful
mortuary in the area -, took care of all arrangements wonderfully; and the
insurance company paid for everything (eventually).
Dustin would have
loved the gathering of family during his viewing, he would have joined in with his
friends passing the bottle (there was much shouting and laughing behind closed
doors), and he would approve of the lovely wooden urn chosen to contain his
ashes.
This
particular
issue is just one of many responsibilities to be borne by a grieving
family
after a violent death such as Dustin’s. Once I gather my thoughts
further, I
will post about another unexpected and especially unwelcome
responsibility
thrust upon us during our first months of mourning. And then after that,
hopefully I can write about what is really weighing heavy on my mind.
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| Laying out his funeral clothes |
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| Saying good-bye |
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| Last glimpse |
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